Monday, 26 March 2007

94.1 WHJY FM. Monday, March 26, 2007. 12:51 to 1:51 PM.

Movie blok!

I wanna rock and roll all through the early afternoon, and party every day. Actually, I kind of want to rock and roll all the time, and party only rarely. Clear Channel's 94 HJY is not my first choice for either.

12:51. Led Zeppelin, Candy Store Rock. C-
See, I feel like Led Zeppelin's intentions were always good, but their execution just got way too full of testosterone all the time for my tastes. Outside of the band, I might go so far as to call myself a Jimmy Page fan. He was in the Yardbirds sometimes, and he played on Brenda Lee's "Is It True," and P.P. Arnold's "The First Cut Is the Deepest" (the original and best version), and all kinds of other great music in the 1960s. But then he got his own band, and yeesh with the manliness. Station ID.
12:54. Firehouse, Don't Treat Me Bad. D-
If Led Zeppelin is an overly cock-rocky interpretation of good music, Firehouse is that, too, but minus the good music part.
12:58. DJ. She's incredibly squeaky-voiced. And eww, apparently the now-ending (thank goodness) noon-hour program was called "Hair in Your Lunch." Disgusting. And inaccurate, from what I heard. Ads.
1:00. The Doors, LA Woman. C+
This, I think, is where if the Doors were a television show and I were an even bigger dork than I am, I would say they jumped the shark. It's just self-parody by this point, and Jim Morrison's vocals here are silly. Luckily, it was right at the end, and the album itself isn't all bad ("Love Her Madly" is like the polar opposite of this song, one of their best).
1:08. Tesla, Love Song. D-
Look at this awesome photograph of Nikola Tesla, and then listen to this song. See the difference? Alternatively, if you prefer experiencing good things over experiencing bad things, skip the listening to it part.
1:12. The DJ tries to pawn off Evanescence tickets. Good luck, lady.
1:13. U2, New Years Day. B-
You know, if not for gasbag Bono bloviating all over it, I would really like this song. Or at least like it; that "really" might be pushing it. Did you know that for a while Bono's full stage name was Bono Vox (Latin for "good voice")? It's true. What a blowhard. A do-gooder blowhard, but a blowhard nonetheless.
1:18. Disturbed, Land of Confusion. D+
See January 4.
1:22. Squeaky DJ plugs a contest to make HJY an ad. I can never decide if I approve of contests like that or not. Ads, with a few station IDs sprinkled in for good luck.
1:26. Black Crowes, Twice as Hard. D+
You know, usually there's a bit more variety on this station than this. I feel like I'm listening to a country station and basically hearing the same song, over and over and over and over. What's the difference between this and Tesla and Firehouse and Van Halen?
1:30. Van Halen, Unchained. D+
What did I just say? What did I just say!?!?!? I often complain about how this sort of music doesn't have any sense of humor, but maybe it's worse when it thinks it does.
1:34. Squeaky DJ lady, stop squeaking "Evanescence" at me, please. I mean, I'm glad that you play at least one band with a woman in it, but does it have to be that one? And do you have to keep talking about them and trying to get me to want tickets to see them? Because I don't want to see them, and anyone who does deserves our sympathy and should be in treatment.
1:34. Godsmack, The Enemy. C+
Godsmack never equalled the idiotic fun of their first single, "Whatever," which, though it's not good at all, was one of my favorite bleeped-out songs to sing along with when it was new. It's really really fun to shout, "Better --kin' go away!" Since that song, sadly, they've been dull to the extreme. Hilarious, though, is the fact that I went to college with their lawyer's daughter. We used to call him (the father) "P____ B____, Lawyer to the Stars."
1:38. The DJ manages to give away Evanescence tickets, finally. And here's ads. During them, there's an incongruous station ID which claims they're playing fewer ads. And then there's another bunch of ads! Who do they think they're fooling? Fewer ads than what, Vogue?
1:42. Jimi Hendrix, Fire. B-
I try, but I just can't enjoy listening to Jimi Hendrix. Sorry. Although I do think that, if I can forget that I've heard it many times before, the lyric "Let me stand next to your fire" is pretty clever and awesome.
1:44. Stone Sour, Through Glass. D-
Hilariously awkward transition. I'd definitely take Jimi Hendrix over this wussy crap.
1:48. Squeaky tells me not to worry because she has more Evanescence tickets. Clearly she's not listening to a word I'm saying.
1:49. Billy Idol, White Wedding. B+
Well, at least we'll end on a relatively good note. Billy Idol's one of those people like Pat Benatar who I never liked at all and kind of classified in the "boring fake punk" category until I had friends who sang them at karaoke. I get it now, I think.

All the talk about Evanescence this hour, I'm just glad I didn't actually hear them. Overall grade: D+. And I guess I'm feeling pithy today.

What they should have played instead.
Marnie Stern, Put All Your Eggs in One Basket and Then Watch That Basket!!!. (download)
Marnie Stern is loud.

P.S.: If you have your right speaker across the room behind you, and if you're like me in other ways, you'll flip out for a second, every time, when the tambourines come in at about 0:17, and think someone's behind you jingling keys even though you're alone in the house. Consider yourself warned: abject terror is in your future.